I have spent all of my adulthood battling my weight. I haven’t been a size 6 since high school and like most girls, I began to feel like it was just ‘part of getting old’. I got married young and became the stereo-typical fat and happy wife. I got divorced and lost a little over 20lbs FAST! Then, slowly over the next few years my weight trended upwards, but not with out yo-yo’ing dramatically.
I always figured my fluctuating weight was caused by my emotions. Too happy and I got fat. Too sad and I stopped eating. I firmly believe that you choose to be happy or stay depressed. I have never been a ‘sad’ person. My friends and family would all agree that I’m a happy go lucky gal. So did this mean that I was destined to be the happy, chubby friend forever? Frankly, that thought pissed me OFF!
- GET ANGRY!
So, if I was going to be happy that meant I needed to accept being FAT?!? That’s bull shitakki mushrooms!! That realization and the anger that it brought fueled my competitive nature. I was mad! Mad that I confused loving myself with accepting my obesity. Mad that I had misconstrued health, with being thin. Mad that I let the world affect my vision of happiness. Mad that society was telling me that happiness was reserved for the thin, beautiful, and glamorous. Mad that I had been looking at my added weight as this thing I needed to ‘learn to love’ about myself. Then I realized- I was going through the grieving process for my thin self. I was mourning the loss of my formerly bangin’ bod as though it were dead and never to return. FALSE!
- Be Self Aware
My realization and anger was the first step in becoming self aware. I became aware of what my body was telling me. It was a wake up call and my body had been SCREAMING at me. The first step was quitting soda. Then, fast food. Now, I’m working on ZERO processed food and being gluten free. When I eat bread, I notice that I bloat and get rib cramps (weird, I know). But a year ago I was so blind to the signals that my body was sending me, that I wouldn’t have even noticed. Now, a year later I can tell when I have gone too long without drinking water because I get a dull pain above my right eye. The only change is that I am more self aware. The human body is a truly amazing thing.
I’m not claiming to be the happiest, healthiest person in the world… but I AM the happiest and healthiest I HAVE EVER BEEN and it’s all because I got fed up with living in a shell of a body that didn’t match how I felt on the inside. When I took the time to accept the fact that I was to blame, I let my anger fuel my plan. My plan to be myself both inside and out, so that I didn’t have to battle accepting a shell that never felt like me. I’m now 34lbs down and determined to be healthy… not thin.
So, Ladies and Gentleman: It’s okay to get angry. Just let that anger fuel positive change. Start listening to your body and don’t be afraid to fail… just pick yourself back up and keep trotting down the road of self awareness.